Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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