Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
