ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
