he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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