you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
