True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
