Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
