I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
