What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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