forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
