Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
