I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
