At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
