Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
