saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
