where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
