I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i need some magic done to my vagina
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
