One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
