I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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