I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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