I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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