I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
