Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
