Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
