Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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