I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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