I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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