you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
