I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my vagina is haunted
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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