The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
