i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
