and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
