How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
