just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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