You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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