I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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