Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The beer is more important than you right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
