Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
