I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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