Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
