I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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