ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
