enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
