Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
