i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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