Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
