Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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