At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize