yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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