just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
