I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
