NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
