McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
