Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hippo gnu deer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My feet surprised me
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