It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
