Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
