So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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