so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
