I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
