Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
