Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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