i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
