Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
