Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
