i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
