dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize