I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
