you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
