Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
