so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i believe in u and ur pee
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
